First Year Fervor

Whoa! Well, hello there! I haven’t been posting much lately. Actually, I haven’t posted anything in about a year. Sorry about that, for whomever is reading out there. I’ve been so busy with work, school, and trying to keep up a healthy social life that I barely had time to process it all myself. Honestly, if it weren’t for my mom calling me everyday I would have probably forgotten to keep them updated as well. Oh, and don’t even get me started on my friends back home. I completely put them on hold this past year. Sorry guys! I love y’all. They know and understand this (at least I hope so), that’s why when we are all back home we get together and everything is as if we were never apart.

Where can I possibly start? So much has happened in the last year! Get ready, because I’m about to give a fast-paced recap of my first year of college. This will most likely be long, might be interesting (if you like reading about people’s lives), could get a bit confusing, but mainly it will be a post filled with my emotions, ideas, and opinions.

Let’s start off with where I started, at an airport with a suitcase (more like 7, let’s be real) filled with clothes, hand sanitizer (thanks mom), school supplies (which I didn’t need – all you need is pens and spirals which you can buy at school people!), and all of my rookie hopes and dreams. It all became very real, very fast as the airplane landed in Boston’s, Logan Airport. It was a bit of a daze after that. That night as my family and I slept in our hotel all I could think about was how they would all leave in the morning and I would be left in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. I had wanted to move away from home for so long, but now that it was actually happening I was a bit apprehensive. I pride myself in being a very independent woman but when I waved my parents off at the bus stop all I could feel was my independence crumbling from the empty hole that I felt as I watched my family drive away. I was only able to swim in the ocean of this feeling for a few minutes because as soon as they left I had to go straight home and start packing for my first-year trips (a hundred year old tradition that my college has of throwing a bunch of inexperienced freshmen into the wilderness – aka FUN WITH SWEAT AND B.O.). This pretty much marked the way for how the rest of this year went by – go, go, go!

My first experience with my class was a mix of things I expected and surprises, both positive and negative. There are definitely many pros and cons that come along with attending a prestigious institution. Pros: connections, opportunities, funding. Cons: Privilege, privilege, privilege (it’s everywhere). Long story short, this trip opened my eyes and mind to issues that I hadn’t encountered back home. Issues that would continue to come up throughout my entire first year at college (and that will probably continue for the rest of my life).

After trips I had lost a bit of that freshman zeal that I came in with. I was starting to feel homesick and was beginning to question whether I had made the right choice in the college I chose. Deep down I knew I was where I was supposed to be, but that didn’t stop me from imagining how different everything would have turned out if I had chosen to go to school in Texas. Sooner than later I found that family that I was missing so much – they came in the form of mentors and other first generation college students. I met so many amazing people through that program – friends and mentors who I will keep for a lifetime. With their help I was able to navigate college with much more confidence.

I don’t want to drone on and on about my first year, but I will say that I learned more about myself, my faith, my ideas, and the way I view the world than I would have had I stayed in the monotony that was my life back in Texas.

A few takeaways from this past year:

·      Don’t take anything at face value

·      Have and defend your opinions, critiques, and ideas

·      Be open to new experiences

·      Be an activist

·      Be a feminist

·      Be a lover – of everything

·      I want to work/live in New York City for at least a year

·      I want to learn a fourth language

·      Your major DOES NOT define your future/career

·      And most importantly, “growth begins at the end of your comfort zone”

Here are a few pictures to illustrate a bit of the craziness that was my first year at away from home.

The best trip leaders ever

Trippies

My fam away from home

Orientation bliss

Unofficial mascot - Keggy the Keg

Beaut

Running around huge fire with your best friend, check.

Sweaty, sticky, love.

Jumping into below freezing water, check.

Lovers Ln., check.

New York with your bestie, check.

And now, on to my new adventure. I have started a new blog "Un Sacco di Stupidaggini" - "A Bunch of Nonsense" where I will be blogging from abroad. Go follow that blog and get ready for my Italy blogposts in the fall!

Pre-College Blues?

Is that it even a thing? Let's give it a name I guess, preacademia depression. It's kind of like postpartum depression, except pre, and about college. So, nothing like postpartum..

Well, there, now that I gave it a fancy name I can officially talk about it.

Honestly, I don't know what my deal is, I don't understand why I've been feeling so down lately. I mean I pretty much have my life together, or at least I like to think I do. I have a loving family, I have great friends, I'm going to a great college, in my mind I pretty much have it all figured out. So then why do I feel like this? I don't know if I can go as far as calling it depression because I don't really consider myself depressed. Thus, my dilemma. If it's not depression, then what is it? There's not much I can be depressed about. I mean, I just got a ten foot phone charger, I have it all.

Here are my symptoms: I've been getting emotional over the tiniest things and then get mad at myself for having emotions - for feeling, I get impulsive urges to leave my town, my home, my family, yet I get so sad when I think of leaving my family and not seeing them for months, I don't feel like doing anything all day and then kick myself for not doing anything productive all day. I feel like I can't win, no matter what I do.

Maybe it's all a transitional thing. Transitions can be tough. I just really hope that this blue phase passes quickly (if only I was Picasso and could take advantage of the situation..) because I hate feeling this way. Doesn't feel any good.



Maybe it's a common thing though..
Preacademia Depression?

New Home, New Hampshire

These past couple of months I have been taking the fact that I will be moving out of the room in my house and in to a dorm at Dartmouth very lightly. As I was booking a flight, hotel, and bus ticket for my dad and I to drop me off in August, I finally realized that, while I was booking a round trip flight for my dad, I was booking a one-way flight for myself. A one-way flight that would leave me in my new home.

I went to, what Dartmouth calls, Dimensions in April. Dimensions is for students who have been accepted through regular decision, the college's and current student's job is to essentially convince these students to accept their offer of attendance to Dartmouth. Well, they convinced me, actually, I was already convinced. I did get a nice water bottle out of it though. Oh yea, and I also completely fell in love with Dartmouth. One night, after walking back to my host's dorm from a prospie party (a prospie is what they call prospective students that go to Dimensions, that's something else I loved about Dartmouth: their "language") on the way to the dorm all I could think about was that I was going home for the night. I was going home. I didn't feel like I was visiting, I felt like I already lived there. I belonged there.

I think I was always meant to go to Dartmouth, I just didn't always know it. For some time I thought I was destined to go to UPenn, but every time I pictured myself in UPenn I always saw what Dartmouth looked like. I was picturing myself at Dartmouth without even knowing. Well, the vision came true. I got denied acceptance to UPenn and accepted to Dartmouth. I have some cold days ahead of me, winter is coming. Today I heard a man say, "If you can't first imagine it, then you will never have it." That seems easy enough, but it's not. It's not as easy as it seems because so many are guilty of saying "oh, I'll never have a house like that" or "I'll never get accepted to a university like that" or "I'll never be able to do that". Well guess what? Don't worry, you won't. Change the way you think. Say you will get a house like that, say you will go to a university like that, say you will be able to do that, say you will. You will. You can. You are.

Back to the topic of moving. Yes, I'm scared. Yes, I'm overwhelmed. Yes, I don't know what life has in store for me, but if it's anything like what it has had for me so far, then I'm happy to live it. I know there will be obstacles, people, ideas, perspectives, boundaries, and influences I will have to face and overcome, but I'm ready to take on anything that comes my way. Because I can, and I will.

I will end my blogs from now on with a video, an article, book, blog post, or song that I recommend watching, reading, or listening to. Today I am going to recommend watching a TED Talk that a friend of mine shared with me. I recommend that everyone watch it, man or woman. It changed the way I viewed myself, and that's not just because I am a woman. It's because I am a human.

Eve Ensler: Embrace Your Inner Girl

Long Distance Friendships

As orientation days for colleges approach the distance between my friends and I is becoming more real. After I go off to college I wont see these wonderful people whom I've created these amazing memories with until winter break. They say that after high school you end up losing touch and distancing yourself from your high school friends (I don't know who these "they" are but they seem to think they know everything about everyone). I don't think that's true for my friends and I, or at least I hope not. See, the thing about my group of friends is that we can be away from each other for days, weeks, even months, but the second we're back together it's as if we hadn't been away from each other at all. I don't care what these know-it-alls "they" say, I wont forget my girls.

So in honor of these amazing friendships I have created I'm going to dedicate this post to my girls. Each and every one of them. This is what I'm going to come back to look at when I'm feeling homesick and missing them. So enjoy.

There's our Geo, she's so sassy that she gives my sass a run for its money. One time, when we were tutoring at school we had the job of calling rude, overly-dramatic parents of the children who did not show up to tutoring. Long story short, Geo got in trouble for getting sassy with one of the parents. The parent complained and called the secretary to tell her that "the Fernandez girl was so rude" to her. So obviously, the girls and I stood up for our fellow sass monster and told the secretary that Geo would NEVER be rude to anyone (which she wouldn't, Geo is one of the sweetest girls I have ever met, sweet but sassy, like a sour-patch kid). That's just the way Geo is, she isn't going to beat around the bush, she's going to tell it how it is. I think that's why we get along so well, because I'm the same way. Way to be assertive babe! The first memory I have of Geo is waiting outside in the front of the school for our rides. I remember totally butchering her name, which is something that isn't new to Geo, everyone gets it wrong - at least the first time. Pretty much I had an entire conversation with her, all the while calling her "Georgina" instead of her actual name - "Geordina". But Geo is the sweetest, she never once corrected me. I only realized my mistake until I heard a guy call out "see ya Geordina" as she was hopping into her car. But our true friendship began when I sat next to her in our AP U.S. History class (APUSH). If she could stand me during the first class period on Mondays, she could stand me at any time. So our friendship blossomed. I was surprised at how easily I was able to talk to Geo about anything and everything. She is the wit that whips us all in check. Love ya baby girl!

I love my Geo. Come into my bosom, child.

This was on her birthday. We clearly have no idea how to take pictures. This was the best one we got, and you still can only see our smiles. That's all that matters anyway - the joy. One of the most elaborate birthday surprises we have done so far. We had a scavenger hunt for her and ended the night with a movie at the drive in.

I can't get over Geo's smile! She's so dang beautiful!

Within our little group, we have even smaller groups. Usually there's two of us that has a special bond with one another. For Geo, it's Lily. They're like two peas in a pod. They're so different, but yet they seem to balance each other out. Our sweet, sweet Lily. Now this girl is something else. I used to think she was so innocent, but oh, OH she is far from it. She is absolutely not the shy, innocent girl you think she would be. But whether Lily is doing some outrageously weird thing that she thinks "is no big deal" or whether she is arguing with Nancy, we love her nonetheless. She has so much spirit in her. So much love to give. Lily is one of those people who you meet and automatically know you can trust. She always means well - I don't care what anyone else says. She is like our little baby. We all have this protection over her. We're like her armor. We will defend her from anyone, so watch it boys! I actually don't remember how I met Lily, she just sort of - happened, and I welcomed her right in with open arms!

This is my absolute FAVORITE picture of Lily. It's just perfect. There's so much perfect in this picture.

Our Lils. She's so much fun.

Now, I think Lily looks absolutely beautiful in this picture. It captures her unique personality along with her beauty. I don't think anyone will ever be good enough for her. But whoever does end up taking her heart better treasure the heck out of it because it is so, so special. And if you don't treasure it, future guy, I will personally kick your ugly butt.

This picture captures how much I love those two girls.

Lily has a twin sister, our crazy Nancy! They're fraternal twins, but I swear they looked like identical twins on their Junior yearbook pictures! So if I could describe Nancy I would say - Nancy just doesn't care. She will do whatever the heck she wants, whenever the heck she wants to. She doesn't worry about who's watching her or who will judge her, she just does whatever pleases her. And I say, way to go girl! She is definitely one very weird soul, but that's why we love her.

I'm telling y'all! IDENTICAL!

This is Nancy protecting her Geo from Lily's craziness! HA!

I'm telling y'all, she is something else...

And this was on THEIR birthday. Sometimes I forget they were born on the same day!

Oh yea, Nancy got crazy at prom night. Ew, I'm all sweaty!

And Nancy's other half is Vanessa. For me, the friendship with Vanessa has been pretty much all over the place. I met her freshman year. But I didn't talk to her much. (She said I used to intimidate her, which makes me sound like some evil ogre! HA! But I'm really not. Most of the time.) I've always thought Vanessa has had an attitude about her, an attitude that never stops! She will "discuss" a topic with you until she either convinces you or you give up. And by "discuss" I mean, she controls the discussion, that's her personality. When she believes in something, she STRONGLY believes in it. There is no in between for her. It's pretty black and white. Which I like about her, because if there's one thing I hate, it is people who cannot make up their mind on a certain topic. Vanessa definitely has some sass in her as well! What? I just have sassy friends, what can I say. My sass babes. She is not afraid to speak her mind, and if she decides to speak, you better listen or else she'll make you listen. Yea, you might say she's a bit assertive - or a lot assertive. She's extremely assertive. But she's the spice in our group! Oh, and let's not talk about her momma, her momma is one foxy lady let me tell you!

Did I forget to mention Vanessa is only a torso? HAHA! Weirdest picture I have of her.

This was in our GT English class were we would have those circle discussions I was telling y'all about. I say discussions, but it was pretty much just Vanessa and I arguing with freshmen.. I mean, discussing.

HAHA! Just kidding. Vanessa has legs. So this was on our "Hippie Day" Senior Week at school. Do we look hippie?

This was the night Vanessa grew her man balls. Definitely has more balls than any guy I know. Respect!

And last, but not least, is MY other half, Nay. So this girl and I have been friends pretty much since freshman year. But I'd say our friendship really became strong Junior year. And it only intensified Senior year. I love my ugly. I'm so sad that she's leaving to UT Austin this year. We'll be more than 2,000 miles apart! She left for 3 days for her orientation this week and I missed her so so so much! She knows how much I love her. Without her, I think I would have lost my mind this year. I kid you not, one night I had to do an all-nighter because I am an idiot and procrastinated so much, and guess what, she stayed up with me. She didn't have to stay up all night because she wasn't an idiot like I was and didn't procrastinate, but she did it anyway. I playfully told her at the ticket booth as we were waiting to pay for our AP tests, "hey bro, I'm staying up all night doing homework, wanna stay up with me?" to which she replied to "yea, sure". Just like that. Gosh, I love her. She does things like that. She's proven to me time and time again that when everyone else bails on me, she's always there to have my back. If I ever go to jail I can count on her to bail me out. And with the things we do together, I don't doubt that we will either get a restraining order or go to jail anytime now. Thanks for the laughs, the cries, and the love.

Nalleli is the type of girl who will stand on top of a paint can and fall in it in order to break into her house - when there's a ladder right next to her. That's my girl! Real smart.

And this was on HER birthday. Probably one of the most outrageous. We kidnapped two people.

Out of all the pictures I have of us, this is my favorite. Because it captures us so perfectly. We work hard, and play hard. And we do it side by side.

Thank you girls, thank you for all of the wonderful memories. I love you all.

And here are some more pictures of us, because we're awesome!

At our last pep rally! Everyone is so pretty!!

Dang, we clean up nice! Oh, Nancy..

Girls with sass.

Our first birthday celebration! We started a tradition!

We like black.

So many pretty faces! I can't take it!

More sass..

Better than the Oscars selfie..

Post High School Honeymoon Phase

So now that high school is over my life has completely changed, full 180 degree flip. Not really. Summer is here and everything is pretty much the same, apart from the fact that I don't have any summer homework to stress over. Now I have pre-matriculation paperwork to stress over. But I would choose that over summer homework any day!

Right now I'm on that post honeymoon phase - every day feels like a Saturday, and that's awesome! There ARE no Mondays, only Fundays. Except sometimes I still get reality checks when I have to wake up at 7:30 to take my brother to school, but now that he's out for his summer break there are no worries!

During this honeymoon I've been reflecting over all of the sweetness of high school and over all of the future awesomeness of college. It's true what people say, high school does go by quicker than you think. One second you're an inexperienced little freshman at freshman stampede. And next thing you know, you're impatiently waiting next to your walking buddy ready to walk out into the convention center for your graduation (it was great walking next to you Cameron PIVOT - I talked to him maybe 4 times throughout high school, nonetheless he had great pace, really stayed in rhythm).

Let's recap.

Freshman year comes in close second in the race between which high school year was my best. Senior year beats it. (BTW I have Pandora playing in the background and "Beat It" by Michael Jackson is playing as I write this. So, pun intended.) Freshman year was filled with stress free nights, happiness, and butterflies. HA! So much for that. I believe I also had a pet bunny named Snowball during that year - if you like small fluffy things, there's that for you. I had to give him away because he humped me every time I cleaned his cage. He was just getting too sexually active for me. He needed girl bunnies. So he's in a better place now, filled with every girl bunny he can ever imagine. Back to my freshman year. I played volleyball that year, they called me "soft fingers" because I set that ball up like it was no one's business - no one called me that. That year was also the year I met some of the closest friends I have today, and the year I began to lose some of the closest friends I thought I had. That happens. Overall, freshman year was fun, carefree, and a time when I had to make a decision between sports and academics. I chose academics, which turned out for the best. Although my 4 am homework sessions will tell you otherwise.
Sophomore year was...well I don't really know what it was. It's all a blur. All I can remember is that Ms. Grindle fed us her version of diabetes in a bowl which was three, or four, or five scoops of ice cream and pretty much any topping you could imagine topped on top of each other. It was amazing. I probably went into a food coma and that's why I can't remember sophomore year.

Here's some of that diabetes. And there's Ms. Grindle in the background, such a foxy lady.

And this is me eating all of that deliciousness in all of its glory.

Junior year was the year where many of the traditions or insiders I have with my friends today were born. I joined AcDec (Academic Decathlon - AcaDeca is just plain wrong!) and created an even stronger bond with my friends in the process. This was a year of self discovery, I began to realize that there was a life after high school and that I had to start preparing myself for that life. With that in mind, I armed myself with higher standards, stronger confidence, and got my priorities in check. So after I went through all this "self discovery" I decided that since the inside was changing - so should the outside! And so that summer I chopped all of my hair off, got some bright red lipstick and called it a day! What I didn't realize was that that pixie did not work with my thick hair and that it would soon grow out into a mullet (fun times). But who cares? It was my last summer of high school..

This was some of my AcDec team my senior year. So fun! So artsy..

Chopping my hair off was sort of symbolic for me. Because my hair had always been my comfort blanket. I took pride in it and I used it to sort of "speak" for me. But hair can't do that. And so I chopped that sucker off. In my mind, having something that I had to depended on was out of the question. It's like that quote from 500 Days of Summer, "...she'd only loved two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and feel nothing."

Now senior year. Oh senior year was amazing. It actually felt like I was pushing a boulder up a hill that would end up falling back down at the end of the day - and I would repeat the strenuous journey over again the next day. Oh Sisyphus is truly my spirit animal. Senior year was hell, but it was also such a beautiful experience. Whoever said senior year was the year to relax and slack off needs a punch in the face. Or a high school degree because he probably never received one. You can't really slack off in 8 AP classes - let me refresh that, you CAN slack off, but you really shouldn't because honey, that does not look cute in your college application, just saying. So apart from the hell of Chemistry and Calculus (the deadly C's) I loved senior year. I created such beautiful friendships, I met teachers who have impacted me in ways that not even I can put into words (Ms. Bagley, I'm talking to you), I spent endless hours working towards competitions with amazing teammates, and I made so many unforgettable memories with my friends. Graduation came and went. Being Salutatorian and being able to share the stage with my best friend Nalleli was amazing. The icing on top of the cake. Or is it the cherry on top of the cupcake? I was never good at these sayings..

Oh, I will never forget those meaningless car rides with her where we laughed so much we almost peed our pants - ALMOST. Momma doesn't allow pee on her black leather seats. Oh poor Daniel, his first experience with us was when we were giving him a ride to school and ended up trying to show him one of our "steak out houses". I say "trying" because we just ended up buying Starbucks and driving all the way to Rockwall because Nalleli never told me to turn, so I kept driving. I don't do directions, I do drive. Needless to say, Daniel never rode in my car ever again.

That one time I almost lost my mind with Chemistry and had to regain it with a sugar high. A Mexican sugar high.

You might say, oh what an adorable picture of Cecy during her last pep rally. But you would be wrong. This is actually a picture of Austyn. I made Nalleli take it, because she's a true friend. Austyn, if you're reading this, heeeey. ;)

I love these guys. That's it.

Can you tell I love my AcDec team? Well, I do.

And these are my girls. My sweet girls who I will miss dearly when I go off to college. My sweet girls who I will finish this summer bucketlist with.

This was the day that changed everything for me. My dream, come true. Proud Dartmouth '18 here.

This is Ms. Bagley. This woman is awesome. So strong, so funny, so crazy, so independent, such passion, such intelligence, such a warm heart, and such a beautiful soul.

Oh, here's a sketch of our butts at prom. Yea, that's pretty much us.

And these are the coolest seniors you will ever see. Done. Stop looking.

Oh, you know, Nalleli, me, and our bff Dr. Henrie (our superintendent).

With all of my heart, I know all of these wishes, hopes, and goals will become a reality.

The most beautiful surprise I have ever received. My Jasmine coming home to see us graduate.

I started it with you, and I finished it with you. Love ya babe.

Advice for all of you in high school:

• Don't slack, nope not even freshman year. Your GPA counts from the first piece of classwork that you do for your freshmen BIM class till the last project you present for your AP English 4 class. And just in case you were wondering, no, you CAN'T fix your GPA during your senior year. Honey, if you're 254 out of 411 by your first semester of senior year, good luck, because everyone is trying to do the exact same thing you're trying to do - raise that rank. That should be the senior motto. 
• Don't focus on the things that aren't important. That means, boys/girls that are just there to waste your time. (Oh, you're going to do a long distance thing throughout college? Right. You'll dump them when you come back for thanksgiving break.)  That means trying to fit in. That popular group will get you nowhere, except maybe to your house drunk, and that's if they have any inkling of responsibility. If you feel like you have to change in order to fit in to your group, it's not the group you should be hanging around with. Your friends should make you feel loved and accepted no matter what. Stop trying to party every night. Again, unless you're some freak of nature like Kevin Marnell who partied through high school and graduated as Valedictorian, all that partying will only get you to a minimum wage job after high school. "Making that money", making that money is right, making that money at McDonald's.
• Find friends who make you better. Those people that will encourage you to be a better person. The kind of people who will offer you healthy competition and who believe in you.
• Coffee meet [insert your name here], [insert your name here] meet coffee. Cheers.
• Cry if you need to. I know I did. Once. I had plenty of break downs, but I always took a deep breath and went back to what I knew would only benefit me in the future.
• Don't settle for less than you're worth. Take your dang ACTs and SATs. Get your dang letters of recommendation. Apply to dang college. Apply to dang FAFSA or TASFA, whatever, just do it! Apply to the dang scholarships. You will reap what you harvest. If you want something, reach for it, because trust me, it isn't going to come knocking at your door. Be the catalyst.
• Join clubs, join organizations, participate, compete, and enjoy.
• Volunteer. Not only will you need it for college and scholarship applications, but you will gain this sweet little monster in your tummy. His name is grateful, also known as appreciation. Trust me, it's worth it. You'll want to keep doing it.
• Don't get pregnant. Don't get someone pregnant.
• Don't get an STD. Don't give someone an STD.
• But most of all, just have fun. It's really not all that horrible. You'll finish and realize that you can barely even remember it. So make lots of memories, take lots of pictures, and have lots of fun.

And now, on to the next four unforgettable years..